Gaywatch: Ozian Idol

Every year, I tell myself that I will not waste countless hours of my life watching American Idol.

There's so much I despise about the Idol machine. The meandering, substanceless filler between performances. The in-your-face product placement (those heinous Ford commercials are nauseating). The cheesy, step-clap group numbers (what's up with the pre-recorded schlock this year??). The eternal results shows. And yet, here I am sitting on the couch, laptop in .. uh, lap .. watching David Cook perform live when I don't even like David Cook, completely prepared to sit through 5-6 more commercial breaks in the next 25 minutes simply because I have to know who "America" has voted out this week.

Something different seems to suck me in, year after year. Last year, it was the cherubic David Archuleta (his cover of Robbie Williams' "Angels"? Heavenly.) This year, it's the fabulously flamboyant former Fiyero: Adam Lambert.

Adam first wailed and belted his way into my heart with his performance of Michael Jackson's "Black or White." He further intrigued me with his bizarre version of "Ring of Fire." But it was today, over lunch, when I found some clips of Lambert riffing it up as Fiyero from the musical Wicked that he sealed the deal.

In a broadway.com interview, former Elphaba Eden Espinosa says that Lambert "was one of my favorite Fiyeros to sing “As Long As You’re Mine” with, because his voice is obviously just so gorgeous. He was one of only two Fiyeros I know who would do optional notes higher than Elphaba’s in the song!" Sister does not lie. See below:



This afternoon, I engaged in a bit of creepage on Adam's various Facebook fan pages, and I was surprised (although not really?) to see just how much of the chatter about him revolved around his sexuality. I knew that, a while back, a couple of pictures of Lambert locking lips with another dude had surfaced on the web. But it was disturbing (although, again, not that surprising?) to see the usual ignorant epithets and Biblical references being tossed about. Although most of them aren't even worthy of anyone's attention, I'll share some of my favourites gleaned from my short-lived perusal (spelling and grammar, of course, have been left intact in the name of authenticity):

"Taylor," from Nashville, has the following pearl of wisdom for us:

i agree with all of you homosexuality is an abomination but the bibles also say there is now tehrfore no more condemnation! and god says to show love to all and love our enemies more and show compassion to those who dont know the love of Christ homsexuality is a sin but we must love and be loved the greatest lesson in life is to love and larn to be loved in return- moulin rouge

also we should show adam the ways the lord so he may turn from sin not run from god in fear

... ah yes, nothing like a fluidly integrated quote from the puritan classic Moulin Rouge to support your argument about the sins of "homsexuality."

"Shirley" from Lubbock, Texas, informs us:

Welllll....I believe...NOT ENOUGH SAID! "Intolerant" is not the word. Gross and horrible is MORE like it. Homosexualism is NOT right and NEVER WILL BE. I know I have just shaken the hornets nest. BUT...I still live in America so I can speak freely just as everyone else can. This really saddens me.

HomosexualISM! I find this very exciting! Shirley's insightful critique prompted me to wonder -- what is homosexualism? What is the system of beliefs, the ideology, the philosophy that guides the gross and the horrible of this planet? Peronsally, I believe in the fabulousness of rangy belting and the aesthetic value of owning cute socks. What about you, fellow homosexualists?

I should add, of course, that for every Shirley and Taylor there are four or five refreshing comments telling the Shirleys and Taylors quite specifically what they can shove and where they can shove it. Here is one of my faves, courtesy of my friend "Tyler" from Staten Island:

wtf is wrong with some of you, are you retarded, hes gay. get teh fuck over it. its not liek littel rainbows fly out of his mouth when he sings, its not leik hes having sex on stage. close your eyes and listen to him. u wouldnt give two shits if he was gay. if you spend so much tiem absorbing the fact that he f*&#s men, then you need to get a freakign life.

Hear hear, brother! I'll forgive your typographic troubles with the letter "e" because of the beautiful images you've conjured...

Homosexualism: to worship one who possesses a belt so fierce that rainbows fly from his/her mouth as the notes are sung...